We have all cried, at some point in our lives, it has all been too much for us & we have found ourselves crying. All of us, I do get there will be some who have more than others, but the fact remains crying it completely normal & even essential.
Today I am not here to divide us by the litres of tears we have shed, in fact quite the opposite in fact.
Today I want to unite us because of the tears, that have us all in the same place.
We have all at times felt sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated with life, however none of this is abnormal or wrong, in fact quite the opposite.
Let me tell you a bit about my story.
During the last 22 years that I have been a parent I have found myself in many situations which has & would make the best of us cry. I’ve been the stay-at-home parent (which as any stay-at-home parent will understand), there are frustrations, misery, and overwhelming days. I found myself looking after my kids, with no face-to-face interaction with adults like you and me for days & days on end. My days consisted of feeding my 2 children, cleaned, (ok, to be honest, some days I skipped the cleaning part), I be break up squabbling, find myself clearing up the never-ending mess left scattered about the house. All I did was do everything for them, but nothing for me. Over time I have found myself asking hard questions to myself…
Why I have decided to stay at home?
Why I have been given such a difficult task?
Wouldn’t it be easier just to go out to work?
Leaving me feeling like am I even cut out to be a mother?
On those days I would stand in the shower with my face in my hands, shoulders heaving, trying to hide the fact I was crying from my two-year-old son who had come to find me so he would not wonder what’s wrong with Mummy.
The good part to all of this was once all the tears have run dry, I know I just had no other choice then to get up and fight again. So that is exactly what I did…continued with my day and being the best Mum & wife I could be at that point.
I came to realise that if I can’t handle it one more time, I have tears waiting to release me. And that’s okay.
The point of this, I wish to share with you that there is no shame to find yourself in tears. That you are not a failure just because you couldn’t handle the situation. That you had been doing so well, too well, that is why you’re now breaking.
Therefore, I just want to let you know that it is okay to cry. Just let it all out, you have my heartfelt permission to take care of yourself.
So, do it, cry.
It’s the only place I can go to, shedding those tears.
It’s the only release I have, shedding those tears.
It’s the only thing I could do, shedding those tears.
The message is that we shouldn’t be afraid to feel our feelings. More importantly, it’s only by feeling our feelings that we’re able to recognize the message they’re sending us and then make positive changes in our lives.
For me, the discovery that I needed to pay more attention to my own needs, to find time to pursue my passion, to find time to mingle with my friends, and that to be honest I’m not expected to be only a mother as I am also a whole lot more than a mother.
So I’ve learnt being a good mother doesn’t mean that I have to be around 24/7. Instead, I’ve learnt that a good mother is one that remembers to take time off for herself. No one is capable of being there for others (even if they are the people you love) without having some time for rejuvenation.
It took me learning this the hard way to realise this. Neglecting oneself can really make a person lose all sense of purpose, and when that happens, depression comes knocking on your door.
I’ve learnt that being a smart mother doesn’t mean you try to make it on your own, being a smart mother means I ask for the help I need. Since I am currently residing in a country that is not my own, and neither my husband nor I have immediate family here, that’s meant looking for other ways to find the help & support the whole family was needing so we hired a babysitter. When they become old enough the school was another opportunity to take the me time & follow my passion. I can’t wait for the few hours of freedom every day! All of my children are in school, and I am determined to use this time to pursue my passion….Sleep, helping other ensure they are getting enough, good quality & consistent sleep.
It was only by feeling my feelings that I was able to recognize my needs and make these positive changes.
So I say Cry if you’re hurting, and realize you don’t have to accept your unfulfilling situation. Change what is causing you pain. Stop them now. The changes you need to make in your life don’t have to be on a grand scale. Simple changes to your routine may have a much larger impact on your happiness than you can imagine.
You just have to listen carefully to what you want and need. You have to listen carefully to what’s holding you back. Once you can identify these two things, you can make a positive change in your life. I know you can do it!
Today I want to tell somebody, anybody, that if you see someone crying, please reach out to them.
If you see someone crying, please don’t judge.
If you see someone crying, being there could mean the world to them.
If you’re a man, it is okay to cry too, because only strong people dare to show their feelings.
You see, tears can come from all sorts of feelings.
Tears come from stress. Tears come from sorrow. But they make your pain lessen, make you look to tomorrow
Tears come from pain. Tears come from frustration. But you can get up again. You always have and you always will. Tears can also come from happiness. Tears come from joy, Tears come from love. Tears can be from empathy, tears from compassion.
Tears should not be viewed as always a negative as this is simply not true.
Id ask you what & why the crying is impacting on you so much, what is it making you feel? why do you feel like that? when do you notice you feel like that? what can be done to change the way you are feeling?
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay for share your tears with others. And it’s okay to do whatever it is you need to do for you.
With this understanding I have about crying and not seeing crying as a sign of weakness, or loss of control I am able to help families who struggle with seeing or hearing their own family crying. I completely get it, this for me is one of the hardest things. Seeing someone else upset, knowing and sharing their pain. I truly struggled with this, until now.
It was while I was on my annual sleep conference this year that I had my eureka moment about sleep. I understood I dreaded questions from clients about crying, will there be crying, what will be do about it. I was focused on avoiding it, telling them not to worry we will handle it and have great methods in place for this. Which we do, our sleep program is a gentle, reassuring program which limits crying as much as possible. However, upon the realisation that actually crying from our children is actually the same for them as us I realised crying isn’t the enemy. As crying was growth, it’s the opportunity to allow your children to feel & understand their frustrations and even better allow them to release them from their bodies. Creating a space for all the other emotions we have, joy, happiness, laughter. To box our emotions, to deny anyone the right to crying is to deny them the right to feel. This is why I believe people struggle with mental health & empathy. We have not shown them this nor allowed them to experience this therefore we are teaching them to be closed off about themselves & others.
Let us create a loving & nurturing space to allow someone the opportunity to learn more about themself & why crying is a healthy & normal emotion being just as important for our soles as a tonic as laughter is.
Lets feel our live, lets live it fully, lets embrace our live, Lets grow together.